Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, Ch. 17: Thus the Lord cast out Satan, the Great Armadillo, and we all cried out for more rum

This week on Advanced Muggle Studies, we discuss: Salazar Slytherin, the snake-fetish Zorro; differences in Chamber set design; enter Tom “Blofeld” Riddle; THE BIG REVEAL; sociopathic memories; dangerous toddlers; ironic narcissistic racism is ironic; and then the murders began; Tom Riddle sucks at anagrams; douchey school nicknames; Harry drops all the mics; useful plot information;…

Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, Ch. 16: All hail the reigning Weasel of God!

This week we discuss: Oliver Wood’s priorities; we need to discuss phrasing; smarmy Lockhart and softie McGonagall; Hermione Granger saves lives; Hogwarts civic planning must be magic; the history of the basilisk; cockatrices and cock eggs; the strangely powerful weasel; the Superman effect on the Voldemort of the Wizarding world; the complicated history of snakes,…

Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, Ch. 13-14: Won’t Someone Think of the Children (Seriously, no one here will)??

This week, we discuss: Professor Creed’s ass; Wizarding World’s Most Beautiful People; Moaning Myrtle’s parents; the curse of a usual toilet; never trust a book; Ron Weasley is always right; invisible ink and powerful writing; Lockhart attempts cross-curricular instruction; what singing telegrams your Professors would choose for each other; demeaning roles for little people; classist…

Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone Ch. 6-8: It’s all “Purebloods First” until someone gets a fart trumpet

In this episode, we discuss: Platform 9 3/4, nice Weasleys, portrait boogers, boss Hermione, the four humours, the four Houses, diversity in the Sorting system, why Republicans and Slytherins should compare notes, how Confederate flags lead to Voldemort, Hufflepuff is judging you, racist pie and magical algorithms, the Michael Jackson of the Wizarding world, Harry’s…

Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone 1-5: You Only Thought We Talked Too Much Before

This week on Advanced Muggle Studies, we discuss: exemplary cat behavior, names and symbolism, Project Runway: Dumbledore edition, classic literary archetypes, Joseph Campbell’s monomyth, ring/circle theory, aka chiasmus, passive-aggressive McGonagall, deep and abiding envy of J.K. Rowling’s genius, Dumbledore and misdirection, why Satan sounds like Antonio Banderas, forgiving the Dursleys (?), a market for Smelting…

Fantastic Beasts, Part 2: Tempests in Teapots and Force Lightning Level

We’re back, with Part 2 of our Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them discussion!  In this episode we pick up at the most disturbing execution scene, and discuss: moral implications of the death penalty, echoes of concentration camps, egregious waste of government chair funds, the occasional superiority of Muggle logic, magic makeup is a…

Cursed Child, Act 4, Part 1: Adventures in fanwankery with the Ambiguously Gay Duo

Welcome back to Advanced Muggle Studies! This week, we discuss: legitimate prophecies, how to ruin a classic movie moment, dwindling bitchiness, this play making us numb to all feeling, what Scorpius named his penis, the possible Confunding of J.K. Rowling, William Shakespeare’s Star Wars, Pessimist Dumbledore fortune cookies, Harry and Draco’s forbidden love, the ethics of…

Cursed Child: Act 3, Part 2: Ethel, cancel this play!

We continue with the second half of Act 3! This week, we discuss: the continuing search for Hot Neville, what one could POSSIBLY DO to get expelled from this damn school, Hufflepuff murder, psychosexual flowers, making out in front of the fireplace, Delphi is a fangirl, dumbfuck prophecies, the continual injustice of Ron, magic black lights,…