Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, Ch. 8-10: The Great Hermione-Riddle Flatter-Off

  This week, we discuss: why Pepperup Potion makes wizarding secrecy unforgivable; the Ghost Post; the souls of parchment; Sir Nicholas’s unfortunate history with teeth; the aptly named Argus Filch; things we learned from Jonathan Franzen; Filch’s bondage fetish; wizarding informercials; Austin Powers and magical erectile dysfunction; why Squibs matter; the prejudice book; what Nearly…

Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, Ch. 6-7: Common sense dictates a 20-week mandrake ban until women stop sinning with their butts

This week, we discuss: the social leverage of Howlers; Gilderoy Lockhart’s narcissism; Google already knows what you’re thinking; The Matrix dude fantasies; mandrakes and sexual commerce in the Bible; hallucinogenic coincidences; anatomically correct root vegetables; the doctrine of signatures; keep the dog, lose the mandrake; posh Justin Finch-Fletchley; Republican wizards and the 20-day mandrake waiting…

Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, Ch. 4-5: Still a better book than Twilight

This week, we discuss: awkward crushes; our favorite Lockhart books; the Hogwarts prefect at home; we’re pretty sure someone is Neville Chamberlain; how many bacon sandwiches does it take, really?; linguistic puns; Dan’s accent is broken; fabulous Lucius Malfoy; Drarry fanfic; what exactly is in Lucius’s basement; wizard race porn; adventures in sex shops; the…