Join your Professors as they dive in to their Drunk Potterwatch of Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets! No transcript, just audio, and we are watching the extended version of the movie.
Tag: Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets
Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, Ch. 18: A multitude of redeemed Lazari and a hailstorm of Ottaline Gambols
This week, we discuss the symbolic value of Harry’s blood sacrifice as presented to Dumbledore; prefects’ special visitation privileges; a distressing look at Hogwarts security loopholes; what the adults in this book have in common with Charlie Swan; Dumbledore’s forgiveness of Ginny’s sins by virtue of Harry’s noble sacrifice (oh come on, you know we were going there); more proof…
Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, Ch. 17: Thus the Lord cast out Satan, the Great Armadillo, and we all cried out for more rum
This week on Advanced Muggle Studies, we discuss: Salazar Slytherin, the snake-fetish Zorro; differences in Chamber set design; enter Tom “Blofeld” Riddle; THE BIG REVEAL; sociopathic memories; dangerous toddlers; ironic narcissistic racism is ironic; and then the murders began; Tom Riddle sucks at anagrams; douchey school nicknames; Harry drops all the mics; useful plot information;…
Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, Ch. 16: All hail the reigning Weasel of God!
This week we discuss: Oliver Wood’s priorities; we need to discuss phrasing; smarmy Lockhart and softie McGonagall; Hermione Granger saves lives; Hogwarts civic planning must be magic; the history of the basilisk; cockatrices and cock eggs; the strangely powerful weasel; the Superman effect on the Voldemort of the Wizarding world; the complicated history of snakes,…
Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, Ch. 15: Sadly, prostitute spiders might have actually ended all this sooner
This week, we discuss: the return of Gigantic Fucking Spiders; the eternal question – is Snape acting, or just a dick?; we found the remedy for misuse of Petrificus Totalus; Ernie “Hot Take” Macmillan; Lockhart the useful idiot; impassioned Ron rules; wizards need Mag-Lites; Hagrid’s judgment is questionable at best; Arachne and Athena; the sexist…
Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, Ch. 13-14: Won’t Someone Think of the Children (Seriously, no one here will)??
This week, we discuss: Professor Creed’s ass; Wizarding World’s Most Beautiful People; Moaning Myrtle’s parents; the curse of a usual toilet; never trust a book; Ron Weasley is always right; invisible ink and powerful writing; Lockhart attempts cross-curricular instruction; what singing telegrams your Professors would choose for each other; demeaning roles for little people; classist…
Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, Ch. 8-10: The Great Hermione-Riddle Flatter-Off
This week, we discuss: why Pepperup Potion makes wizarding secrecy unforgivable; the Ghost Post; the souls of parchment; Sir Nicholas’s unfortunate history with teeth; the aptly named Argus Filch; things we learned from Jonathan Franzen; Filch’s bondage fetish; wizarding informercials; Austin Powers and magical erectile dysfunction; why Squibs matter; the prejudice book; what Nearly…
Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, Ch. 6-7: Common sense dictates a 20-week mandrake ban until women stop sinning with their butts
This week, we discuss: the social leverage of Howlers; Gilderoy Lockhart’s narcissism; Google already knows what you’re thinking; The Matrix dude fantasies; mandrakes and sexual commerce in the Bible; hallucinogenic coincidences; anatomically correct root vegetables; the doctrine of signatures; keep the dog, lose the mandrake; posh Justin Finch-Fletchley; Republican wizards and the 20-day mandrake waiting…
Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, Ch. 4-5: Still a better book than Twilight
This week, we discuss: awkward crushes; our favorite Lockhart books; the Hogwarts prefect at home; we’re pretty sure someone is Neville Chamberlain; how many bacon sandwiches does it take, really?; linguistic puns; Dan’s accent is broken; fabulous Lucius Malfoy; Drarry fanfic; what exactly is in Lucius’s basement; wizard race porn; adventures in sex shops; the…
Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, Ch. 1-3: By day he’s a Weasley, but by night he’s a Disney Princess
This week, we discuss: animal descriptions; Albus Potter is an asshole even when he’s not around; things have gone to shit when you miss Draco Malfoy; the Harry-Dudley relationship; why Americans fail to grasp the subtleties of pudding; BAD DOBBY is good at time management; Vernon, Petunia and Brexit; what exactly was that Japanese golfer…
