Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, Ch. 10: Monologuing or it didn’t happen

This week, we discuss: whether or not God has a penis and why he’s into circumcision; Jesus the perfect party guest; let’s all seduce Oliver Wood; teen embarrassment and legit reasons to be depressed; please boss us around, Emma Watson; flavorful souls and tasty Muggles; dementors are functioning alcoholics; the Ministry is made of stupid; Sirius’s muscles are made of no freaking way; without…

Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, Ch. 6: Horoscopes and hippogriffs know no personal boundaries

This week we discuss: awesome alliteration; pretty pug Pansy Parkinson; how exactly Hermione planned to pull this off; academic excellence despite physics; emotional labor with Ron/Hermione and Harry/Ginny; large schools hate signs; Sir Cadogan and King Pellinore; Divination is clearly the worst to come; tasseography, apophenia and pareidolia; Helena Blavatsky and the paradox of Seers; Neville and the Macbeth effect; Hermione has no patience for this…

Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, Ch. 1-3: Mistresses Margery and Dolores’s Institute for Badly Trained Bulldogs and Children To Be Punished

This week we discuss: things Harry Potter is or is not; why flatworms are flat; revisionist witch burnings and whether or not Wendelin the Weird was actually helping; poverty-shaming the Weasleys; that OTHER Valley of the Kings; Hagrid’s biting book; Harry repeatedly misses the obvious; Aunt Marge and The Bachelorette go Nazi; why white people don’t get to use the N-word; man buns are proof…

Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, Ch. 13-14: Won’t Someone Think of the Children (Seriously, no one here will)??

This week, we discuss: Professor Creed’s ass; Wizarding World’s Most Beautiful People; Moaning Myrtle’s parents; the curse of a usual toilet; never trust a book; Ron Weasley is always right; invisible ink and powerful writing; Lockhart attempts cross-curricular instruction; what singing telegrams your Professors would choose for each other; demeaning roles for little people; classist…

Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, Ch. 11-12: Ten points to House Hufflepun!

This week, we discuss: poor misdirected Ginny; magical hucksters; new and improved criminal Hermione; bad swelling puns; What the Fuck, Hogwarts?; Dueling Clubs are useless; no one in this school did any student teaching; pointless spell fights; Snape is a dick; Lockhart’s overexcited wand; even more bad penis puns; the etymology of Parseltongue; the return…

Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone, Ch. 15: Come on, you KNOW you thought about it

This week, we discuss: more monomyth; disapproving McGonagall; positive social policing; What the Fuck, Hogwarts?!: After Hours edition; sexy My Little Ponies; virgins LOVE THEM SOME UNICORNS; magical boobs; poorly conceived Jesus metaphors; stop killing animals for their phallus parts; Apollonian vs. Dionysian philosophy and rituals; what Pentecostals and Dionysian ritual madness might have in common; why…

Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone, Ch. 9-10: We earn every letter of NSFW

Welcome back to Advanced Muggle Studies! This episode, we discuss: obsession with surnames; why witches fly on brooms; why ONLY witches fly on brooms; lady ointment and phallic symbols; sanitizing and co-opting feminist history; What the Fuck, Hogwarts?; Oliver Wood is a hottie; Star Wars and toxic masculinity; what your Quidditch position says about YOU; why…

Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone Ch. 6-8: It’s all “Purebloods First” until someone gets a fart trumpet

In this episode, we discuss: Platform 9 3/4, nice Weasleys, portrait boogers, boss Hermione, the four humours, the four Houses, diversity in the Sorting system, why Republicans and Slytherins should compare notes, how Confederate flags lead to Voldemort, Hufflepuff is judging you, racist pie and magical algorithms, the Michael Jackson of the Wizarding world, Harry’s…

Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone 1-5: You Only Thought We Talked Too Much Before

This week on Advanced Muggle Studies, we discuss: exemplary cat behavior, names and symbolism, Project Runway: Dumbledore edition, classic literary archetypes, Joseph Campbell’s monomyth, ring/circle theory, aka chiasmus, passive-aggressive McGonagall, deep and abiding envy of J.K. Rowling’s genius, Dumbledore and misdirection, why Satan sounds like Antonio Banderas, forgiving the Dursleys (?), a market for Smelting…