Bonus Episode: Wizarding World of Harry Potter

In this short bonus episode, Professor Creed shares her thoughts about her recent visit to the Wizarding World of Harry Potter in Orlando, Florida. Check it out if you’re interested! (But do note that Professor Creed is not the type to bubble over effusively about anything but Star Wars, so keep that in perspective.)

Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, Ch. 11-12: Ten points to House Hufflepun!

This week, we discuss: poor misdirected Ginny; magical hucksters; new and improved criminal Hermione; bad swelling puns; What the Fuck, Hogwarts?; Dueling Clubs are useless; no one in this school did any student teaching; pointless spell fights; Snape is a dick; Lockhart’s overexcited wand; even more bad penis puns; the etymology of Parseltongue; the return…

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Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, Ch. 8-10: The Great Hermione-Riddle Flatter-Off

  This week, we discuss: why Pepperup Potion makes wizarding secrecy unforgivable; the Ghost Post; the souls of parchment; Sir Nicholas’s unfortunate history with teeth; the aptly named Argus Filch; things we learned from Jonathan Franzen; Filch’s bondage fetish; wizarding informercials; Austin Powers and magical erectile dysfunction; why Squibs matter; the prejudice book; what Nearly…

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Drunk Potterwatch: Fantastic Beasts and Where To Find Them

In our second Drunk Potterwatch, your Professors tackle Fantastic Beasts and Where To Find Them. Join us as we squeak every time a Niffler appears, and discuss costumes, Eddie Redmayne’s face, Tina’s missing balls, whether or not Ezra Miller is handsome, inbred No-Majs, Neil Gorsuch Shaw and Fox News, magical umbrellas, Newt and Hagrid BFFs, magical creature trafficking,…

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Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, Ch. 6-7: Common sense dictates a 20-week mandrake ban until women stop sinning with their butts

This week, we discuss: the social leverage of Howlers; Gilderoy Lockhart’s narcissism; Google already knows what you’re thinking; The Matrix dude fantasies; mandrakes and sexual commerce in the Bible; hallucinogenic coincidences; anatomically correct root vegetables; the doctrine of signatures; keep the dog, lose the mandrake; posh Justin Finch-Fletchley; Republican wizards and the 20-day mandrake waiting…

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Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, Ch. 4-5: Still a better book than Twilight

This week, we discuss: awkward crushes; our favorite Lockhart books; the Hogwarts prefect at home; we’re pretty sure someone is Neville Chamberlain; how many bacon sandwiches does it take, really?; linguistic puns; Dan’s accent is broken; fabulous Lucius Malfoy; Drarry fanfic; what exactly is in Lucius’s basement; wizard race porn; adventures in sex shops; the…

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Drunk Potterwatch #1: Harry Potter And The Sorcerer’s Stone

Welcome to our inaugural Drunk Potterwatch! We’ll be keeping it simple for these, which are more or less bonus episodes. No transcript, mainly because Professor Seraphine couldn’t bring herself to transcribe her own drunken ramblings. So for the brave (and possibly bored) among you, enjoy our drinky movie-length commentary!

Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone, Ch. 15: Come on, you KNOW you thought about it

This week, we discuss: more monomyth; disapproving McGonagall; positive social policing; What the Fuck, Hogwarts?!: After Hours edition; sexy My Little Ponies; virgins LOVE THEM SOME UNICORNS; magical boobs; poorly conceived Jesus metaphors; stop killing animals for their phallus parts; Apollonian vs. Dionysian philosophy and rituals; what Pentecostals and Dionysian ritual madness might have in common; why…

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