ADVANCED MUGGLE STUDIES

Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, Ch. 7: Ottaline Gambol is the boggart’s boggart

This week, we discuss: Malfoy’s glittering future soccer career; tiny boners and skinned shrivelfigs; dreary shipping; HOLD THE FUCKING PHONE WE FOUND OTTALINE GAMBOL; who needs academic excellence?; arguing pedagogy with Snape and Lupin; foreshadowing Umbridge; the utter uselessness of waddiwasi; nobody wants to sit with Snape; pookas, boggarts, and tiny moist hands; the lasting…

Bonus Episode: Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them: The Crimes of Grindelwald

Your professors speculate wildly about the latest info revealed for Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them: The Crimes Of Grindelwald. Join us as we discuss: costuming, body language, the controversial casting of Johnny Depp, Theseus Scamander and Leta Lestrange, Jude Law as Dumbledore, Credence’s fate and what we want most from this movie! …

Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, Chapter 9: 394 Shades of Hinkypunk Hanky-Panky

This week, we discuss: life as a background Everyone Else at Hogwarts; insensitive Cher songs; trying to figure out how Head Boy and Girl work; hillbilly high school; inter-House hanky-panky and Percy the Boner-Killer; how portraits work; Dumbledore is not having any of it; Percy’s tragic handicap; cowardly portrait guardians; the world is ending so let’s play…

Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, Ch. 8: Kappa Dat Ass Up

This week, we discuss: supervillain Draco; murderous, malevolent goblins; that’s not how teeth or lead work; abnormally polite rapist monsters; soul-seeking among the bowels; big butts and soul power; stanning for drunk Trelawney; flobberworms; manic Oliver Wood; unfailingly on-point Ron; WE LOVE CROOKSHANKS; Hermione’s inability to back down and Harry’s inability to step up; good Harry hair; Percysplaining; wizards hate social structures; the unexpectedness of honest adults; smoking goblets and buried hatchets; multicolored…

Bonus Episode: The Last Jedi trailer

It’s a bit late, but the Professors know that any time is a good time for Star Wars! We discuss the trailer for The Last Jedi and discuss all our theories and spoilers.

Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, Ch. 6: Horoscopes and hippogriffs know no personal boundaries

This week we discuss: awesome alliteration; pretty pug Pansy Parkinson; how exactly Hermione planned to pull this off; academic excellence despite physics; emotional labor with Ron/Hermione and Harry/Ginny; large schools hate signs; Sir Cadogan and King Pellinore; Divination is clearly the worst to come; tasseography, apophenia and pareidolia; Helena Blavatsky and the paradox of Seers; Neville and the Macbeth effect; Hermione has no patience for this…

Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, Ch. 5: Just keep the eldritch horrors out of my backyard, thanks

This week we discuss: inappropriate Weasleys; Hermione & Ginny 4LYFE; the fact that Hermione clearly has WAY more friends than either of the boys; putting up with bad male behavior; mansplaining with Percy Weasley; Arthur Weasley, Ministry rebel; real live adult supervision; Hermione-Sherlock fanfic; misdirection with Sneakoscopes and Scabbers; R.J. Lupin; Crookshanks knows what’s up; the fictional “driver”; weak Malfoy burns; no one in this book remembers they have…

Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, Ch. 4: This will go much smoother if you’ve read the book already, dear

This week, we discuss: isolating Harry; the Diagon Alley of our dreams; Old Mother Hubbard, meet Hannibal Lecter; the gloriously fun history of hags; do not fuck with Baba Yaga; diabetes does not exist in the wizarding world; Harry Potter and the Responsibly Spent Budget; do these people know they have magic?; unfogging the future with Cassandra;…

Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, Ch. 1-3: Mistresses Margery and Dolores’s Institute for Badly Trained Bulldogs and Children To Be Punished

This week we discuss: things Harry Potter is or is not; why flatworms are flat; revisionist witch burnings and whether or not Wendelin the Weird was actually helping; poverty-shaming the Weasleys; that OTHER Valley of the Kings; Hagrid’s biting book; Harry repeatedly misses the obvious; Aunt Marge and The Bachelorette go Nazi; why white people don’t get to use the N-word; man buns are proof…

Drunk Potterwatch: Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets

Join your Professors as they dive in to their Drunk Potterwatch of Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets! No transcript, just audio, and we are watching the extended version of the movie.

Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, Ch. 18: A multitude of redeemed Lazari and a hailstorm of Ottaline Gambols

This week, we discuss the symbolic value of Harry’s blood sacrifice as presented to Dumbledore; prefects’ special visitation privileges; a distressing look at Hogwarts security loopholes; what the adults in this book have in common with Charlie Swan; Dumbledore’s forgiveness of Ginny’s sins by virtue of Harry’s noble sacrifice (oh come on, you know we were going there); more proof…

Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, Ch. 17: Thus the Lord cast out Satan, the Great Armadillo, and we all cried out for more rum

This week on Advanced Muggle Studies, we discuss: Salazar Slytherin, the snake-fetish Zorro; differences in Chamber set design; enter Tom “Blofeld” Riddle; THE BIG REVEAL; sociopathic memories; dangerous toddlers; ironic narcissistic racism is ironic; and then the murders began; Tom Riddle sucks at anagrams; douchey school nicknames; Harry drops all the mics; useful plot information;…